"F" is for "F Yeah, Five Points!"

I don’t know what fat little babies wrapped in puppies and stuffed with kittens tastes like, but if it tastes anything like the grilled double-cut Berkshire pork chops at Five Points, well, then call me a cannibal and order me a double portion of babypupitten, ‘cause that shit is tasty!

After figuring out that our first option for dinner (Freeman’s) wasn’t going to work out due to the size of the Zupperite crew and the late-night timing they were offering us (we’ve got a pregnant woman and cranky men that need to be fed early and often), we stumbled upon Five Points Restaurant. And I think I speak for everyone when I say, “Suck it, Freeman’s! We found better!”

Actually, I’m sure Freeman’s would have been great but we were no worse off, and possibly even upgraded, by going to Five Points. They sat us at a great group table in the back room (the one with the skylight above) and it felt like we were sitting down for a rustic meal in the countryside (although we were actually just around the corner from a questionable Manhattan alley). And if we had only eaten the appetizers and not been allowed to eat anything else, the meal still would have been rock solid. I don’t know what was in that pizza (three buttery cheeses? truffles? garlic? magic?) but I’d like to marry it. Or at least make sweet love to it. I’m not kidding. If those ingredients approached me in a bar and said, “What’s up, handsome? I’m in town for a fresh ingredients convention and, well, I’m feeling a little lonely… Wanna get freaky?” I’m doing it. No joke. Judge me if you want but it was that good.

We had some other apps that I’m sure were just as good but I had my truffled magic pizza blinders on and blocked the rest out. Except for the patè that Vescovo ordered “for the table.” Apparently in Matt’s world, “for the table” means “Matt’s plate.” “Hey does anyone want to get some really warm and mushy patè as an appetizer? Anyone? Anyone? No? Okay, great, I’ll order it.”

When dinner came, I think everyone got something delicious to eat. But to be honest, I’m not quite sure. I was still reeling from the pizza buzz when my Double Cut Bershire Pork Chop came out. After one bite I went dark. Completely catatonic. I could have been eating with the Smurfs for all I knew. The cut was thick and juicy and it came nestled in a bed of shaved, roasted brussel sprouts. Drool-city. Later, when I came to, I learned that some of our folks got the sea scallops, the buttermilk chicken, the cavatelli and the duck. Rumor has it they all loved it. But did they love theirs as much as I loved mine? Is that even possible? Can you give 110% out of 100% like every little league coach demands out of his kids? I don’t know. But I think it’s definitely worth going back to Five Points to find out.

Oh, and one last thing. Foulkes is 0-6. He’s like A-Rod with runners in scoring position.